Coffee & Dreams

I'll be honest, I'm not a fan of coffee. I could easily leave it, I have a few jars in my cupboard but it's not a drink that is frequently consumed in this house. We prefer the quintessentially English cup of tea, thanks. Apart from very few exceptions, I don't really have any friends who drink it regularly either. My friend Dean had this to say:

"It's not cool to drink coffee and get stoned off the fumes or whatever they do. I don't understand the principles of it personally, I think it's a waste of time."

But I have a great coffee last night. I even said it, there and then: "That was the best coffee I've ever had". Except it was a dream.

Now, dreams are a very normal occurrence to me, but the dreams themselves are quite the opposite of normal. I find myself on dreammoods.com every few nights trying to decipher them. I'll admit I think sometimes you do dream about nonsense and it means nothing, but I believe a lot of what we dream about is related and connected to something in our lives when we are awake.

The other part of this dream consisted of me moving house, from an already nice house, into this one. It was in one of those very US-style suburban areas... Like 'Wisteria Lane' but with less trees. Maybe I've been watching too much TV. My stuff was packed into nice neat cardboard boxes and then easily just carried over to the new house, and getting the place carpeted and furnished wasn't a problem. It was really nice. But an inexplicable 'nice' where I found myself telling someone about it right after waking up, despite it not being the most exciting or weird dream. Maybe I have some weird thing for organised moving. Maybe I should get into the moving industry.

But is weird is I still want that Coffee. Sure, you're thinking "Why don't you get one then you freak, you said you had a few jars."

I can't, I don't want that. It needs to be in one of those cups, like you get in Costa or something. Just like the dream.

I can't even explain what it was really like, but I WILL FIND THE DREAM COFFEE.

Any suggestions?

Trip to Canada

I love Canada. It's a great place. So it was only so long until I decided to go. I discussed with my good friend Clark (Whom I had the Easter conversation with) on Monday night. And we planned to go the next day.

Here are some pictures from our trip to Canada.

Clarky said he'd get to my house 'somewhere between 11am and 12am', I went to bed earlier than usual to MAKE SURE I'd be up in time for his arrival. I woke up at half 11. Shit. I frantically looked for my phone, expecting a text asking where the hell I was, with a bunch of missed calls, but nothing, so I washed my hair and he arrived just after I came out of the bathroom. Which was handy.

Clarky's helpful instructions guided us the entire journey. Far better than any sat-nav.

It didn't take too long before we started seeing signs for Canada. We were getting pretty excited! We'd heard so much about it.

Driving through Canada. The main road in Canada was the rather aptly named 'Canada Road'.

We found a nice place to park, called 'Canada Common'. Where we could take in the breathtaking views of Canada.

I was dead happy to finally arrive in Canada.

We got out of the car and we saw a rather large field, it's actually part of the New Forest. The very edge of it.When my friend described this as looking 'like a dump', I brought it up later as saying she 'called the New Forest a dump'... Turns out she didn't know it was the New Forest. I thought it was funny how it suddenly came off as more offensive when she knew it was a national park, it was still the same place, it still looked how it did. But it suddenly makes it *not* look like a dump. Funny that.

Clarky and I, despite just seeing this area and not a lot else, were still pretty chuffed about being in Canada. As shown in the following snaps.

I've no idea what that big brown muddy patch under me was all about. A lot of people must sit on that bench and swing their legs because they're so happy about being in Canada. When it was my turn on the bench, I took the horizontal approach.

After a while, we decided it was time to leave Canada and make our way home. On the way back we stopped at a service station, Clarky and I both share a love of these places, we've thought about doing a 'super-cool-guide'-style guide for them, a book purely following our trips to visit service stations.

Clark bought some chocolate, at least I assume he did, a Mars Duo if I'm right in thinking. And I got a packet of Walkers Roast Chicken. It was dead yummy. I did what I usually do to crisp packets. At some point I'll go into this amazing folding procedure in detail.

To sum it up, yes, Canada was boring. Yes, there was fuck all there. But would I go back?

We're planning a second trip.

GO TO CANADA! :D

Unplanned Energy Drink Test.

My head is buzzing as I write this up. Roughly a minute goes by in between the blinking of my eyes. And it took me about 6 attempts to write that sentence.

It was a lovely day today, so much so that in the late afternoon, my good friend Ed contacted me and asked if I wanted to 'go do stuff'. This usually means driving aimlessly about in his car, and at some point going to Tesco's.

Sure enough we ended up at Tesco's.

In the car journey on the way there I said how when I woke up this morning, I told my mum I planned to just go to bed later in the day as I was so tired. But that same morning I had a can of Kick (essentially Tesco's version of Red Bull) and I found I'd been restless ever since. Just wanting to clean the house.

When we arrived at Tesco's I don't think we knew what we were going in to buy, but we ended up in the aisle that sold 'Kick' and various other high-caffeine energy drinks. We started poking fun at the different sizes of the products and thought it'd be funny to do a review of them all. So we bought one of each and set off to my house...

Energy Drink Review.

The seven drinks we tested were (it was done in order of can height purely to look good):

Coca-Cola - 150ml mini can.

Tesco Diet Kick - 250ml.

V Energy Drink - 250ml.

IRN BRU 32 - 330ml.

24: Stimulation Drink - 440ml.

Red Bull - 355ml.

Relentless - 500ml.

The following is the notes we made as we drunk them.

Review started at 7:54 in the PM.

Coca Cola: 150ml mini can,

Caffeine: 11mg/100ml.

Verdict: Alright. Not too energy drink-ish, tasted pretty refreshingly good. plenty of fizz.

Tesco Diet Kick: 250ml.

Caffeine: 30mg/100ml

Verdict: Actually did have a kick. Our favourite for now. Tastes good, does what it says on the tin, and cheap!

V Energy Drink: 250ml

Caffeine: 31mg/100ml

Verdict: This has a tangy fruity flavour, and weighs in at 31mg/100ml of caffeine. Yum.

'Tastes like it should be alcoholic, espesh the last sip' - Marty.

NB: Moot cleansed his palate with an unflavoured rice turd - Ed.

UPDATE: MARTY AND ED ARE PRETTY DAMN RESTLESS ABOUT NOW!

At this point our interests were drifting off elsewhere every now and then, and Ed found some Adidas deodorant that he had to now use purely because it said 'Energy' on it.

IRN-BRU32(new bigger can): 330ml.

Caffeine: 32mg/100ml

Verdict: "This shit is freakin' orange!" - Ed.

They claim that 'Nothing else even comes close to providing the ultimate in great tasting stimulation', apart from Marty's mum that is. - Ed.

"Pretty much like normal BRU!! but with a little tang that kind of hangs there like a little.... I don't know..." - Marty

"Kind of need a piss round about now..." - Ed.

Ed: It's Sticky...
Marty: Syrupy...
Ed: Yeah...

24: Stimulation Drink: 440ml

Caffeine: 30mg/100ml

Verdict:

"When the clock is ticking, revive and conquer Jack Bauer style, you can pack a lot of action into twenty-four hours... every second counts...'

^That was gay...

It's not really piss coloured like the others.

Smells like kitchen cleaner.

(This drink makes Marty randomly giggle periodically, even before drinking.)

"Sometimes I'm like URRRRRR!' - Marty

Very palatable LOL!1!

"Surprising, like if Haribo made a drink" - Marty

Dry like a gin and tonic

This unmitigated crap has given Marty cramp in his right foot

20:40: Marty has a wee.

Red Bull: 355ml.

Caffeine: 32mg/100ml

"Is a faggy drink I always expect it to be red and it does taste different to Kick, Kick is so freakin' much better, I'm srsly." - Ed.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" - Ed.

"Please don't make me drink any more of this, my insides are starting to feel like burning and my teeth are all WEIRD!" - Ed.

Had to chuck that shit away in the end, nasty.

20:57: Marty burps rather loudly. It burnt.

Relentless: 500ml

Caffeine: 32mg/100ml.

Verdict:

21:00 - The glorious liquid that is Relentless is poured into the two glasses, it even sounds energizing.

Ed quickly asks a magic 8 ball whether he should drink the liquid inside.

Ed is now sitting a short distance away from the small glass, twitching slightly, fists clenched somewhat. Preparing mentally.

Not even sure what time it is now.

Even before the Relentless is near finished. we both decide we are hungry. Marty is no longer jumping around restlessly. instead, more drowsy and 'not with it' but still very much awake and buzzing.

21:58 - almost an hour has passed since pouring the Relentless and both Ed and I have not talked about the drink. We're not even really sure why we're doing this. Our attention spans have become ridiculously short and our notes have been minimised for the most of the hour.

"Fuckin' A!... want to go watch Office space?" - Ed.

THE RESULTS:

Caffeine in total:

Coca-Cola: 16.5mg

Tesco Diet Kick: 75mg

V Energy Drink: 80mg

IRN BRU 32: 105.6mg

24 Stimulation Drink: 132mg

Relentless: 160mg

Red bull: 106mg

(Including 2 cans of Kick Marty had earlier, and 4 cans Ed had earlier)

675.1mg
1125.1mg OR 1.1251g!!!! OMG LOL.

THE END LOL.

Keynote.

How Apple's presentation software was born:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
I like how Keynote was first made specifically for THE keynotes haha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
then they just decided to release it.

Clarky:
lol yeah

Clarky:
"hang on a minute Steve"

Clarky:
"this software"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"it's pretty good"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"Even if I do say so myself"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
Jobs: "What are you trying to tell me, insignificant programmer?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"I could make you some cash"

Clarky:
ha ha ha ha ha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"Oh right. Do that then."

Clarky:
"cool, get on it, boom!"

The Eggychocolategoodness-mobile.

So it's Easter soon. Which celebrates the resurrection of Jesus.The most important religious feast of the Christian year. Except for most shops, the Cadbury's factory, atheists, chocoholics, egg enthusiasts, and in the heads of millions of small children. Where it is not quite seen that way:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
I bet there's so many kids who have no idea why Easter is actually about haha

Clarky says:
lol yeah

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
they just think EASTER EGGS LOL<3

Clarky says:
and kids don't have the logic to think about it

Clarky says:
"there must be a reason behind this Easter egg business"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
yeah they don't think:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"*why* are people eating eggs?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"why eggs anyway?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"why chocolate ones?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
hahaha but then again

Clarky says:
ha ha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
the religious side of it isn't *why* we eat EGGS out of CHOCOLATE haha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
even if there WAS an Easter bunny, in biblical times

Clarky says:
HA HA HA HA

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
what the fuck does he have to do with chocolate and eggs?!

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
he's a bunny!

Clarky says:
and a bloody good one too

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
with a basket

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
for said chocolate eggs

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
where'd he get that from?

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
he's clearly not enjoying it, he can't hold the basket properly

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
it's just always kind of hanging from his arm

Clarky says:
HA HA

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"just give up"

Clarky says:
he needs a back pack

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
let someone with OPPOSABLE thumbs to do it

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
or at least something that can grip

Clarky says:
give him a car

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
yeah that'd be good

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
some kind of chocolate egg delivery vehicle.

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
like a milk float but with eggy chocolate goodness.

Clarky says:
ha ha

I was presented with this image shortly after the conversation, this seems suitable:

SNEEZING

ATCHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!111!!1!

Something I've always enjoyed doing is Sneezing. This is somewhat shown I reckon by the fact that I capitalized the S just then, as if it were a name of some deity we should be worshipping.

A sneeze is a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of air (and usually a bunch of other stuff that body don't fancy), from the lungs.

The average speed of a sneeze is about 90 MPH. In doing research (HA!) for this entry for the guide. I found that the JFK Health World Museum in Barrington Illinois, claim that a sneeze can go as fast as 85% of the speed of sound or approximately 630 miles per hour. Now I don't know about you, but I reckon they're talking bollocks.

Luckily I'm one of the few people (only 17% to 35% of humans are effected) who suffer from 'Photic sneeze reflex', or 'Sneezing-when-you-look-at-the-sun-like-an-idiot'. I learnt a few years ago that this was effectively a defect. It's not meant to happen. I was gutted. basically my brain was getting confused when it saw bright lights and panicked, "OH NOES WE'RE BEING ATTACKED WHATDOIDO? JUST SNEEZE IT'LL SORT IT"

At 90MPH though; I think sneezing is fucking great. The build up anyway. The *actual* sneeze can be a bit of let down. Plus it startles others, and none of us like that.

Example for you? SURE LOL

I heard not long ago (and reminded the other day), about a myth that a sneeze was the equivalent to 1/8th of an orgasm. Mind you, don't get thinking that if you sneezed eight times SUPERQUICK, you'll achieve that wondrous sensation that is the 'gasm. Because you won't, it'll just be 8/64th of one. (And if you can pull off eight in a row, and we're talking a proper row [SNEEZE, SNEEZE, SNEEZE]. We'll be impressed and maybe even like you a bit more. So by all means. GoogleTube yourself and let us know.)

You won't get anything though apparently. 'Cause look, according to that rhyme thing that your Nan always said when you blasted snot everywhere as a child. You'll get absolutely nothing at all for eight sneezes. Rubbish.

It went:

"One for a wish
Two for a kiss
Three for a letter
Four for something better
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret,
Never to be told."

That's crap.

"THANKS VERY MUCH". To be honest there are loads of rhymes, some of which go up to ten.

But I'd never believe any of that. Don't listen to them for they are liars! I sneezed thrice a lot when I was younger. I never got any letters. Appalling.

If you enjoy it, there's a whole bunch of tips on the Internet (where else?) The one I find most effective is the gently-put-your-finger-in-your-sniffer-then-hum-until-you-sneeze thing. Vibratey-nose ftw. Or I just look at the sun. :)

COVER YOUR MOUTH/NOSE THOUGH ITS RANK.

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