My head is buzzing as I write this up. Roughly a minute goes by in between the blinking of my eyes. And it took me about 6 attempts to write that sentence.
It was a lovely day today, so much so that in the late afternoon, my good friend Ed contacted me and asked if I wanted to 'go do stuff'. This usually means driving aimlessly about in his car, and at some point going to Tesco's.
Sure enough we ended up at Tesco's.
In the car journey on the way there I said how when I woke up this morning, I told my mum I planned to just go to bed later in the day as I was so tired. But that same morning I had a can of Kick (essentially Tesco's version of Red Bull) and I found I'd been restless ever since. Just wanting to clean the house.
When we arrived at Tesco's I don't think we knew what we were going in to buy, but we ended up in the aisle that sold 'Kick' and various other high-caffeine energy drinks. We started poking fun at the different sizes of the products and thought it'd be funny to do a review of them all. So we bought one of each and set off to my house...
Energy Drink Review.
The seven drinks we tested were (it was done in order of can height purely to look good):
Coca-Cola - 150ml mini can.
Tesco Diet Kick - 250ml.
V Energy Drink - 250ml.
IRN BRU 32 - 330ml.
24: Stimulation Drink - 440ml.
Red Bull - 355ml.
Relentless - 500ml.
The following is the notes we made as we drunk them.
Review started at 7:54 in the PM.
Coca Cola: 150ml mini can,
Caffeine: 11mg/100ml.
Verdict: Alright. Not too energy drink-ish, tasted pretty refreshingly good. plenty of fizz.
Tesco Diet Kick: 250ml.
Caffeine: 30mg/100ml
Verdict: Actually did have a kick. Our favourite for now. Tastes good, does what it says on the tin, and cheap!
V Energy Drink: 250ml
Caffeine: 31mg/100ml
Verdict: This has a tangy fruity flavour, and weighs in at 31mg/100ml of caffeine. Yum.
'Tastes like it should be alcoholic, espesh the last sip' - Marty.
NB: Moot cleansed his palate with an unflavoured rice turd - Ed.
UPDATE: MARTY AND ED ARE PRETTY DAMN RESTLESS ABOUT NOW!
At this point our interests were drifting off elsewhere every now and then, and Ed found some Adidas deodorant that he had to now use purely because it said 'Energy' on it.
IRN-BRU32(new bigger can): 330ml.
Caffeine: 32mg/100ml
Verdict: "This shit is freakin' orange!" - Ed.
They claim that 'Nothing else even comes close to providing the ultimate in great tasting stimulation', apart from Marty's mum that is. - Ed.
"Pretty much like normal BRU!! but with a little tang that kind of hangs there like a little.... I don't know..." - Marty
"Kind of need a piss round about now..." - Ed.
Ed: It's Sticky...
Marty: Syrupy...
Ed: Yeah...
24: Stimulation Drink: 440ml
Caffeine: 30mg/100ml
Verdict:
"When the clock is ticking, revive and conquer Jack Bauer style, you can pack a lot of action into twenty-four hours... every second counts...'
^That was gay...
It's not really piss coloured like the others.
Smells like kitchen cleaner.
(This drink makes Marty randomly giggle periodically, even before drinking.)
"Sometimes I'm like URRRRRR!' - Marty
Very palatable LOL!1!
"Surprising, like if Haribo made a drink" - Marty
Dry like a gin and tonic
This unmitigated crap has given Marty cramp in his right foot
20:40: Marty has a wee.
Red Bull: 355ml.
Caffeine: 32mg/100ml
"Is a faggy drink I always expect it to be red and it does taste different to Kick, Kick is so freakin' much better, I'm srsly." - Ed.
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" - Ed.
"Please don't make me drink any more of this, my insides are starting to feel like burning and my teeth are all WEIRD!" - Ed.
Had to chuck that shit away in the end, nasty.
20:57: Marty burps rather loudly. It burnt.
Relentless: 500ml
Caffeine: 32mg/100ml.
Verdict:
21:00 - The glorious liquid that is Relentless is poured into the two glasses, it even sounds energizing.
Ed quickly asks a magic 8 ball whether he should drink the liquid inside.
Ed is now sitting a short distance away from the small glass, twitching slightly, fists clenched somewhat. Preparing mentally.
Not even sure what time it is now.
Even before the Relentless is near finished. we both decide we are hungry. Marty is no longer jumping around restlessly. instead, more drowsy and 'not with it' but still very much awake and buzzing.
21:58 - almost an hour has passed since pouring the Relentless and both Ed and I have not talked about the drink. We're not even really sure why we're doing this. Our attention spans have become ridiculously short and our notes have been minimised for the most of the hour.
"Fuckin' A!... want to go watch Office space?" - Ed.
THE RESULTS:
Caffeine in total:
Coca-Cola: 16.5mg
Tesco Diet Kick: 75mg
V Energy Drink: 80mg
IRN BRU 32: 105.6mg
24 Stimulation Drink: 132mg
Relentless: 160mg
Red bull: 106mg
(Including 2 cans of Kick Marty had earlier, and 4 cans Ed had earlier)
675.1mg
1125.1mg OR 1.1251g!!!! OMG LOL.
THE END LOL.
