Keynote.

How Apple's presentation software was born:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
I like how Keynote was first made specifically for THE keynotes haha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
then they just decided to release it.

Clarky:
lol yeah

Clarky:
"hang on a minute Steve"

Clarky:
"this software"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"it's pretty good"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"Even if I do say so myself"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
Jobs: "What are you trying to tell me, insignificant programmer?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"I could make you some cash"

Clarky:
ha ha ha ha ha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM:
"Oh right. Do that then."

Clarky:
"cool, get on it, boom!"

The Eggychocolategoodness-mobile.

So it's Easter soon. Which celebrates the resurrection of Jesus.The most important religious feast of the Christian year. Except for most shops, the Cadbury's factory, atheists, chocoholics, egg enthusiasts, and in the heads of millions of small children. Where it is not quite seen that way:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
I bet there's so many kids who have no idea why Easter is actually about haha

Clarky says:
lol yeah

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
they just think EASTER EGGS LOL<3

Clarky says:
and kids don't have the logic to think about it

Clarky says:
"there must be a reason behind this Easter egg business"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
yeah they don't think:

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"*why* are people eating eggs?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"why eggs anyway?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"why chocolate ones?"

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
hahaha but then again

Clarky says:
ha ha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
the religious side of it isn't *why* we eat EGGS out of CHOCOLATE haha

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
even if there WAS an Easter bunny, in biblical times

Clarky says:
HA HA HA HA

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
what the fuck does he have to do with chocolate and eggs?!

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
he's a bunny!

Clarky says:
and a bloody good one too

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
with a basket

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
for said chocolate eggs

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
where'd he get that from?

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
he's clearly not enjoying it, he can't hold the basket properly

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
it's just always kind of hanging from his arm

Clarky says:
HA HA

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
"just give up"

Clarky says:
he needs a back pack

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
let someone with OPPOSABLE thumbs to do it

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
or at least something that can grip

Clarky says:
give him a car

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
yeah that'd be good

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
some kind of chocolate egg delivery vehicle.

AWESOME MARTY POSSUM says:
like a milk float but with eggy chocolate goodness.

Clarky says:
ha ha

I was presented with this image shortly after the conversation, this seems suitable:

SNEEZING

ATCHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!111!!1!

Something I've always enjoyed doing is Sneezing. This is somewhat shown I reckon by the fact that I capitalized the S just then, as if it were a name of some deity we should be worshipping.

A sneeze is a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of air (and usually a bunch of other stuff that body don't fancy), from the lungs.

The average speed of a sneeze is about 90 MPH. In doing research (HA!) for this entry for the guide. I found that the JFK Health World Museum in Barrington Illinois, claim that a sneeze can go as fast as 85% of the speed of sound or approximately 630 miles per hour. Now I don't know about you, but I reckon they're talking bollocks.

Luckily I'm one of the few people (only 17% to 35% of humans are effected) who suffer from 'Photic sneeze reflex', or 'Sneezing-when-you-look-at-the-sun-like-an-idiot'. I learnt a few years ago that this was effectively a defect. It's not meant to happen. I was gutted. basically my brain was getting confused when it saw bright lights and panicked, "OH NOES WE'RE BEING ATTACKED WHATDOIDO? JUST SNEEZE IT'LL SORT IT"

At 90MPH though; I think sneezing is fucking great. The build up anyway. The *actual* sneeze can be a bit of let down. Plus it startles others, and none of us like that.

Example for you? SURE LOL

I heard not long ago (and reminded the other day), about a myth that a sneeze was the equivalent to 1/8th of an orgasm. Mind you, don't get thinking that if you sneezed eight times SUPERQUICK, you'll achieve that wondrous sensation that is the 'gasm. Because you won't, it'll just be 8/64th of one. (And if you can pull off eight in a row, and we're talking a proper row [SNEEZE, SNEEZE, SNEEZE]. We'll be impressed and maybe even like you a bit more. So by all means. GoogleTube yourself and let us know.)

You won't get anything though apparently. 'Cause look, according to that rhyme thing that your Nan always said when you blasted snot everywhere as a child. You'll get absolutely nothing at all for eight sneezes. Rubbish.

It went:

"One for a wish
Two for a kiss
Three for a letter
Four for something better
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret,
Never to be told."

That's crap.

"THANKS VERY MUCH". To be honest there are loads of rhymes, some of which go up to ten.

But I'd never believe any of that. Don't listen to them for they are liars! I sneezed thrice a lot when I was younger. I never got any letters. Appalling.

If you enjoy it, there's a whole bunch of tips on the Internet (where else?) The one I find most effective is the gently-put-your-finger-in-your-sniffer-then-hum-until-you-sneeze thing. Vibratey-nose ftw. Or I just look at the sun. :)

COVER YOUR MOUTH/NOSE THOUGH ITS RANK.

X